# THE FUNAMBULIST PAPERS 32 /// Would Have Been…an inventory by Camille Lacadée


Would Have Been My Last Complaint
(2012). See full credits at end of the text

This week’s guest writer is a long time friend of mine, Camille Lacadée, with who I share the taste for living in places far from “home”! Camille is the recent author of a text for LOG 25 entitled (rama)kanabolism: Bangkok’s furious, sensuous hankering which marks its difference with the other essays as it uses words as a graphic, rhythmic and sonorous material rather than as semiotic container of knowledge. Similarly, her guest writer’s text is written as an inventory in a similar form than the one written by French poet Jacques Prevert in 1946. This one describes the recent construction of an architecture in South India by [eIf/bʌt/c] (Institute for Contingent Scenarios that she co-founded with François Roche in 2011) with Ezio Blasetti and Stephan Henrich as well as an international group of students and friends. Would Have Been… declines itself as an architecture, but also as a forthcoming film, some evocative photos like the ones above, and thus as an inventory that hides, beyond its apparent dryness, a multitude of narrative combinations (aka contingent scenarios)

The Funambulist Papers 32 /// Would Have Been… an inventory

by Camille Lacadée

a dark laterite monolith near a library

thirty days / twenty-nine people of diverse nationalities and age still to be confirmed
an old man collecting books
a library counting exactly seventy thousand books in thirty-six different languages / some unknown languages
twenty-nine return tickets
forty chairs and twenty tables poorly made of recycled pine wood
a twenty-one point one megapixels full frame complementary metal-oxide-semiconductor digital single-lens reflex camera body with two flash cards of thirty-two gigabits and two batteries / a lens with bellows mechanism specially customized for this body / a good tripod with film head
a light-emitting diode camera yellow to white light / a cheap tripod for the light
a five in one foldable elliptic white and silver reflector
a short shotgun condenser microphone with cable and a smaller stereo condenser microphone / a twenty-four bits uncompressed and built-in stereo microphones sound recorder with four different waveform audio file format modes
an acoustically transparent synthetic fur material with soft long hairs

twenty electrical adapters for plug types A B D G M into outlet types C E F L
an A3 borderless inkjet printer with refill cartridges / four bottles of ink to refill the cartridges
a three terabits external hard-drive
five six-outlet power strips / two or three retractable extension cord reels
twelve universal serial bus internet keys to share / thirty pens and pencils / five hundred sheets of A3 copy paper

another light-emitting diode camera light and another cheap tripod
three vans of twelve people each, a bicycle inside one and a surfboard on top

a guesthouse with ten rooms and ten cottages for two people each / two rooms with an extra bed
a noxious dinning place
two loyal dogs

a family of three and a care-taker living in the library
an engineer then another one
two hundred corners of A3 copy paper sheets eaten by one of the loyal dogs
a contractor then another one / a wooden board Ganesha painting to bring good luck
two men and three women chopping bushes and cactuses around the monolith
one rented gasoline generator set of ten kilowatt
eleven metallic electric fans
twenty litres of gasoline

three women and two men excavating seven cubic metres of soft laterite around the monolith
seventy steel tubes of length six meters and diameter four centimetres cut into thirty-five tubes of length four meters and thirty-five of three and seventy of two and thirty five of one
three hundred twenty chocolate hazelnut spread pancakes with masala tea
twenty yoga mats
one hundred and forty perforations on the monolith
six hundred rough laterite blocks of twenty by twenty by forty centimetres
six hundred metal rods / three tape-measurers /one kilogram of black pigment
twenty litres of gasoline

a set of speakers eaten overnight perhaps by one of the loyal dogs perhaps by a monkey
one hundred kilogram of bitumen
two hundred pillar white candles of twenty grams melted at seventy degree
an office of complaints / three complaints registered

another cheap tripod / a moka pot from New York City / a set of mid-range loudspeakers with defective two round pin plug
three hundred twenty muesli fruits bowls with masala tea
six hundred six millimetres perforations of the steel tubes
twenty litres of gasoline

a sexual assault and two hours at the police station
two hundred fifty grams of cotton to make clouds / twelve hours of surf classes / an untimely departure
six hundred laterite components carved in shark fin shape of three different sizes
ten frogs for the bleeding drawing night scene take one / four other frogs for the take two
fifteen sky lanterns ascending together and forming the Aries constellation


a program director’s inopportune visit with one of her boys
seventy five litres of water-based black paint
one hundred villagers in the rain
twenty litres of gasoline

twenty-five non-waterproof raincoats / three surf boards on location
several packs of cigarettes smelling like fish abandoned on a table
thirty black Acetoxy silicon sealant tubes for nothing
six hundred domestic phone calls
twenty litres of gasoline

two hundred glass components travelling a thousand eight hundred kilometres by airplane then truck
three hundred and twenty sunny side eggs swallowed with instant coffee
forty litres of oil black paint / ten extra brushes / two hundred small plastic cups
seven hundred fifty litres of beer containing glycerol and six to eight percent of alcohol
two hundred and ten rickshaw journeys
eighteen hours of yoga classes
twenty litres of gasoline

five bottles of blend based on neutral spirits distilled from fermented molasses
twenty-one early departures

two thousand four hundred plastic bottles of one and a half litres of water
four hundred ninety-five thousand litres of pure oxygen / five hundred chickens / two vegetarian
a one terabit external hard-drive bought in last-minute emergency
four hundred and twenty-three millimetres of rain representing a deficit of fifty-seven percent from usual reports

a longing for Verrucaria nigrescens to take over

The movie title: “Would Have Been My Last Complaint”
The shell-ter title: “Devil Trap” CREDITS

Creative team
Scenario, Camille Lacadee, Francois Roche, [eIf/bʌt/c]
Design process, Computation, Ezio Blasetti
Robotic Design, Special effects, Stephan Henrich
Making-of, Danielle Willems
Sound design, Myrtille Fakhreddine, Devin Jerrigan
Computation, fabrication, construction, Mark-Henry Jean Decrausaz, Cameron David Newnham, Mark Kowalyov,  Javed Godkin Paul de Costa, Peeraya Suphasidh
Cameraman, Suthiwat Yanawiboot
Storyboard, Pim Jular
Model, Props, Pajareeya Suriwong, Nichapatara Swangdecharux
Machinism special design, Cheng Yu Ling
Planning, organization movie, Wachira Leangtanom
Making-of, organization, Pantira Unarat
Assistant historical research, Natreeya Kraichitti
Assistant community negotiation, Lila Tedesco
Assistants production, Arisa Juengsophonvitavas, Papat Jinaphun,  Nicha Laptaveepanya, Nuthapong Jiratiticharoen, Benjawan Lamsa-ard, Tachapol Danaboonchai, Suthata Jiranuntarat, Yanisa Chumpolphaisal, Jenwit Narukatphichai, Permpoon Rojanasakul

Sri Ganapati Vedeshwar – librarian, Elias Tabet – Principal of Pandrata Circle, Sanjeen SingPawat, Gwyl Jahn

Manjunath & Co, Engineer
Ravi N.Pattegar, Civil Engineer Contractor